Its Always Going to be You
by Miss Pretty Girl
Summary: Happens after the frat party from hell. Looks was exchanged, words was said, and feeling was hurt not that he would ever admit that. Damon leaves and starts over somewhere new while leaving behind Elena to deal with the consequences of her choice. Will they eventually find they way back to each other. Delena Fic Old/New characters. I do not own anything. Reviews are welcome
1. Chapter 1

Ch. 1- My Last and Final Goodbye

**_I Loved YOU Once_**

**_You Loved ME Not_**

**_I Loved YOU Twice, But I 4got_**

**_You Never Loved Me_**

**_You Never Will_**

**_But Even So_**

**_I LOVE YOU Still_**

Damon POV

I thought about what I was doing for a second and decided that I just couldn't take it anymore. My earlier thought was correct I had no reason to stay. I had made a promise to leave after she chooses who she wanted. She chose Stefan so why was I still lingering around waiting for a different outcome. She remembers everything I made her forget and she still chose Stefan. I had no way in winning this at all so why should I bother to watch the happy couple anymore.

**_4get the Time She Walked By_**

**_4get the Times She Made You Cry_**

**_4get the Times She Spoke Your Name_**

**_Remember Your Feelings Went the Same_**

**_4get the Times She Held Your Hands_**

**_4get the Sweet Things If You Can_**

**_4get Those Times, Don't Pretend_**

**_Remember Know She's Just a Friend_**

I went to my closet and removed my duffel bag for second time that night and replaced all of the belongings I just took out not to long ago. I zipped up the bag as I remembered how I got to this point in my life. I grabbed my journal from the drawer, I haven't written in it since I turned but somehow it felt right to do it now. For me to start a new chapter in my life I had to close this one and this was the only way I knew how.

**_I Wish I Had the Guts to Walk Away_**

**_4get Bout What We Had_**

**_But I Can't Cuz I Know You Want Come After Me_**

**_I Guess that's What Hurts The Most_**

**_You've Always Loved Him and _**

**_Now I Can See That the One in Your Heart_**

**_Was NEVER Me_**

_Dear Journal,_

_ I had become the love sick puppy I always hated just to get rejected by the one girl who made me this way. The girl who chose my brother, Saint Stefan, can't really explain why this is such a surprise to me. All the girls I love have a tendency of proclaiming their undying love for my brother. I mean I did not really love Katherine the same as Elena but I loved her enough to pine after her for 146 years and what does Stefan do, say that he never loved her and forgot about her. Then I finally actually find someone I truly love, Elena, all she do is through it back in my face every chance she get and then profess her love for Stefan. While Stefan runs off and kill up half the east coast, come back bits her, attempt to drive her off Wickery Bridge, the same bridge her parents died on might I add, and she still looks as if he can do no wrong. So what's that ten points for Saint Stefan, and none for me? I mean how I could possibly believe someone would choose me for change. I was always the one everyone rejected. My mother was the only one who had accepted me but when she died my life with to hell. Even my father saw Stefan as the better candidate and I was just the screw up who looked like his late wife. So why would think anyone else would think twice about choosing me over my no good brother. I have to get out of this place; I can no longer watch them together. She will get through this transition because she has Saint Stefan's support so she has no need for mind. Look at me I have turned back into the 1864 Damon Salvatore who wrote down his feeling like a girl. I loved her enough to become my worst nightmare and I guess it wasn't enough because even this Damon still doesn't get the girl. So I am leaving town and starting new somewhere far from here. I might just go to my villa in Chianti, Tuscanyfor a few years or travel the world who knows, just as long as I get away from here, from her because if I stay I might do something I will regret. Don't worry no one will find me; you are the only one to know about these places except for me of course. And I will not go and kill myself but it did sound interesting since that might be better than dying from a broken heart. I was just going to turn it all off. So this might be the last time I write sine I want be coming back, I think it would be easier that way. I want have to see her happy with my brother like I did the last 3 years and plus I hold up my end of the deal to Stefan to leave once she chose and she chose him so I guess it is about time I leave and not walk around them with my heart on my sleeve. As long as she is happy I am happy. Sad thing is I can't help but still love her even after everything that has happen. I always thought I would never love again after Katherine but I was wrong, I can never love again after Elena. The love I had for Katherine is like a puddle compared to the ocean of love I have for Elena. And she once said it was a problem, and I believe she is right because now that I know what it is like to love I will die eternally because I will never know how it feels to be love back with same intensity. WHAT IS THE WORLD COME TO I AM MY FUCKING WORST NIGHTMARE, JUST KILL ME NOW AND PUT ME OUT OF MY PAIN. The town can rest easy now since their biggest threat is leaving town, it's not like anyone wanted me here anyway. The Big Bad Damon is checking out. So I guess I will go now._

_Love sucks,_

_Damon William Salvatore_

**_All the Times You Held Me Close_**

**_It Was Him You Need and Loved the Most_**

**_It's Hard for Me to Swallow My Pride_**

**_Knowing That My Love Was the Love You Denied_**

I sat my journal on the nightstand next to my bed and grabbed my bag. I looked around the room one last time as in to say goodbye to the memories I once shared in here. I smirk at all the conquest I had, frown at the memory of me forcing blood down Elena's throat, and smile at the way she held me when I was dying from the werewolf bit. I had so many memories in this room just leave them all behind.

I walked out of my room and headed for my car. I had to make one more stop to actually leave this place for good, the one stop that would make me or break me in this deal all together. I just had to see her one last time, kiss her, and hold her one last time though she was not mines to do none of these things to. I parked a block from her house so she would not hear me approach. I went through her window to find her tuck under her covers fast asleep. I laugh because even as a vampire she still can sleep through a tidal wave. I place the letter beside her bed on her nightstand and kiss her lips before saying "Goodbye Elena, I Love You and I wish did not have to leave but I do. Be happy." I kissed her one last time before I disappeared out the window before my presence was known.

**_My Love for You is Stronger Than Ever_**

**_But I Know in My Heart We'll Never Be Together_**

**_I'm Going to Smile Like _****_NOTHINGS WRONG_**

**_Talk Like Everything's _****_PERFECT_**

**_Act Like It's Just a _****_DREAM_**

**_And Pretend She's _****_NOT HURTING ME_**

Once I made it to the 'You're Leaving Mystic Falls' sign I pulled over and sat there thinking about all the sweet memories I am leaving behind. I smile as the sound of her laugh grace ears, the way her cheeks goes red when she's embarrassed. A single tear rolls down my face as I realize all I have left are memories now and I know I can never return and that actually sucks somehow. I never thought I would miss this God forsaken town but I guess it grew on me, she grew me. I got back in the car drove to the storage unit and dropped my car off. Then went to the nearest airport where I got on a plane to my private home in Chianti, Tuscany. Starting over is always fun, I just hope I get to enjoy that fun.

**_So I'm Letting You Go NOW_**

**_With Tears in My Eyes and My Last and Final_**

**_GOODBYE…._**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: I Lost Him**

_If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second. -Johnny Depp_

Elena's POV

When I finally woke the next morning, I felt as if I had slept for days but still did not get enough rest. When I opened my eyes I knew something was off, I felt as if I was missing something very important, like something happened while I was sleep that I should be aware of but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what exactly that was. I shook the thought off and dragged myself out of my bed. I got up and went in the bathroom to take a shower.

As the steaming hot water rushed down my body all the guilt of last night came rushing back to me. I felt guilt over losing control at the party last night, guilt over lying to Stefan, but especially guilt over how things ended with Damon. At the thought of his name I felt my heart ache. I really messed up this time, he was only trying to help me and I basically told him not to bother. The look on his face after I said I shouldn't be here with him but with Stefan, that look of hurt the flash in his eyes for only second then became the detached looked I know all too well. Was nothing compared to the look he gave me when I basically called him a monster when I said I didn't want to be like him? Funny thing is I was already like him. I was feeding without hurting people and I loved it. I shouldn't be like this and I hate it.

I turned off the water and reached out to pull a towel around me. I walked into my room to my dresser and pulled on my rouched silk lace red and black underwear with the bra to go with it. I walked to my closet and pulled on my red tank top, my dark skinny jeans, black leather jacket, and my black leather boots. As I was putting my shoe on I remembered that Stefan texted me last night. I got up and walk over to my phone next to my bed. I grabbed it and that's when I saw a note with my name on it. I put my phone down and grab the note. I saw Damon's handwriting and immediately opened it, dreading words I knew were written on the letter. As I begun to read I can hear Damon's voice reading off the words that was written so nicely.

_Hey My Dark Princess,_

_ It has been a very, very long time since I have written a letter to anyone. I find it funny, in a way, that it is you I wound up writing one to. You have been so many of my firsts lately, and I write that without sarcasm or humor. You were the first person to make me smile a real, genuine smile - to laugh a real, a genuine laugh. You were the first person to hug me and tell you were sorry, when it was never your fault. You were the first person to see a part of me that no one had ever seen - a part I didn't know existed since my mother died. You were the first person to truly see me - the good, the bad - and accept it. The first person I truly fell in love with._

_And I thank you for that. I thank you for being the caring, compassionate, loving and beautiful person you are. I didn't understand how you could continue to be so kind to me, so patient when all I did, over and over, was hurt you and let you down. How could someone care about me - a murderer, a monster? Now I finally understand. When you looked at me, you saw more than that, until tonight. Tonight, the look you gave me broke my heart, for the first time in a while you looked at me as if you saw a monster. I thought I redeemed myself from that role but I guess that will never happen._

_I just want to say I am sorry for letting things get out of control and trying to turn you into your worst nightmare, me. Yes I am apologizing, its rare so don't get used to it. Back to what I was saying, you don't have to be like me, just don't go torturing innocent little bunnies like my brother, I swear one day all the forest animals are going to ban together and attack him but don't say I did not warn him._ I laughed at his reference to Stefan's eating choices before I continued to read.

_You know, I spent my entire existence chasing someone who did not care for me. I was broken when you first met me so many years ago. Broken in a way you cannot possibly imagine.__ You slowly gathered the pieces and began putting me back together. You were patient and kind and understanding and forgiving. You did not give up on me. You saw the man I could be underneath the man I had become. I'm not the man you saw quite yet, but I will continue to work on it for you. Always for you._

_So here begins the tough part: I'm leaving. I can't stay here anymore and plus it's not like I had choice I did promise Stefan. I've done enough damage to your life already and staying would just make me even more selfish than I've been. And I don't want to be selfish anymore with you._

_But nevertheless, I will be selfish with you at-least one last time. I love you, Elena. I love you in a way I didn't know was possible. And it isn't the dangerous, explosive, heated love I felt for Katherine. No, my love for you is so much different. It's warm and comfortable and sweet. It's tender and happy and beautiful. It's the kind of love a man is lucky to find and will only find once in his entire life, even when it's a life like ours: eternal. So I will say it one last time: I love you._

_I tried to force you to love me, and I will regret that choice for the rest of my existence. I have taken so much from you, Elena, but I hope by leaving I will give you some of it back. I am starting to see why you chose my brother, why everyone chose my brother, he was the better choice and he deserves you. I will give you a chance at a normal life; well as normal as you can get being a vampire and all._

_So this is goodbye. I'm sorry I couldn't say these things to you in person; I knew I wouldn't go through with if I did. I'm sorry I was selfish. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I'm not the person you deserve. But most of all, I'm sorry I never got the chance to see you be the beautiful strong, independent woman/vampire I know can be. _

_Don't sell yourself short kitten, you have more control then we give you credit for. Tonight you let loose and had fun and that's all I ever wanted for you. Enjoy being a vampire because it has its perks. :) Being a vampire doesn't mean your monster it just gives you time to make and regret a lot of mistakes but also learn from it. You will be fine, you will be one of the lucky ones that want lose their humanity do to reckless acts, like me._

_By the time you read this, I will be long gone. But I left something with you. It is my mother's ring; I put it in your drawer by your bed. It means a lot to me, so take care of it. My heart is yours, Elena Gilbert. After all, you were the first person to make it skip in over a century - it seemed only fit that I give to you the one thing that belongs to you anyway._

_Thank you, Elena. Thank you for saving my life multiple times. Thank you for pushing me to be the better man. Thank you for caring. I love you, and I always will. I may not be your first choice, but you are mine Elena, I will always choose you, above all. I'll miss you more than you will ever know, but its time for me to let you go. Give Stefan my best and live life to the fullest, if all else fells, be Happy and stay Safe Elena._

_Farewell My Love,_

_Your Dark Prince ;)_

By the time I finished the letter tears was falling down my face onto my lap. I quickly opened my top drawer and there it was a vintage royal blue heart shaped engagementring box. I took it out and opened it. When I saw the combination of beauty and grace, it was this heart shape sapphire engagement wedding set stamped in sterling silver within a prong setting. Its features was a breathtaking blue sapphire created heart shape diamond set atop of the ring with an additional 60 very lovely round brilliant diamonds that surrounds it. It had to be at-least 5 karts. I fell in love with it as I stared in awe. As I looked at the ring, tears rolling down my cheeks, realization dawn on me. That this was why I felt off this morning, why I felt as though I lost something I can't get back, because I did. I went to my jewelry box and took out my chain and slipped the rings onto it before I put it around my neck.

I went back to my night stand and returned the box and grabbed my phone. I dialed Damon's number while ran down the stairs trying get to the Boarding House as quickly as possible. He can't be gone; he said he would never leave me. When Damon didn't answer his phone and I started to panic. I called again and again but each time reached the same faith. I finally made it to the boarding house after what seem like an eternity but was only a few minutes. I walked to the door and walked in without bothering to knock.

"Damon?" I yelled into what seem like an empty house.

"Damon?" I said again but still getting no reply. I ran to his room and hesitated before I finally opened the door. I walked inside but nothing seemed out of place but a sense of emptiness came over me. I walked to his closet to see that half his cloths had disappeared. I walked over to his bathroom to find it empty of his toiletries. I looked at his bed and it looked as if it never been slept in.

I fell to my knees as the dire of the situation dawned on me. He's gone. He left me. He left me all alone. He said he would never leave me. He lied. I sobbed my heart out at that very moment when I realized I might have just loss the one person who believed in me. The one person I truly loved.

"Oh God" I love him and I lost him. Why did I have to be so stupid and chose Stefan over him. Why did I always realize my mistakes after it was too late? I lost him.

I Lost Him Forever

I Lost Damon Salvatore, and there was nothing I could do about it.


	3. Chapter 3

Here is the third chapter everyone. I do not know about this topic so don't judge me to harshly if i get any of it wrong. Reviews are very much welcome because I want to know how I'm doing if there is no reviews please review.

I don't own anything

**Chapter 3: Not Quite There**

**_It's amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces_**

**_~ Unknown_**

I am at the brink of happiness but not quite there, _yet_, not without _her_. It has been officially three months since I left Mystic Falls, since I left _her_. In this time have settled in to my home and I actually have a job. About three months ago I opened up a new bar in town named, for all intense purposes, Elena's Bar and Grill. It hasn't been all that hard to do since I am one of the few bars in town, business has been a success. I'm doing pretty well with keeping myself on track, though I have good reasons to continue this way.

**_Two Months Ago….._**

_I was walking in town when something caught my eye. "__Adozione Agenzia__" as I looked at the sign that I passed so many times something crossed my mind. Why shouldn't I adopt a kid? I certainly got enough room. Maybe it will keep my mind away from Elena, and fill the void of not having the love of my life in my life? Maybe. I walked inside the building to be greeted by many bright colors. As I walked in I saw a stunning red-head behind the counter._

_"__Ciao, Come posso aiutarla?" the redhead askd in rusty Italian. _

_"__Ciao,__vorrei adottare un bambino." I replied._

_"__Va bene, ecco..." she pause as if trying to remember how to say the next word. "...alcuni documenti è necessario compilare." She handed me the paper work._

_"__Thank you." I said in English to put her out of her misery of trying to speak Italian the entire conversation._

_"You speak English, thank God," she said relieved. "You would think being in Italy for almost a year my Italian would be better." She laughed while eyeing me up and down._

_I smirk. "Yeah, it's not as easy to pick up"_

_"We don't have a lot of men in here like you" she replied still checking me out. "Like I said just fill out the paper work, but it is going to be a long process so you might not hear back for a couple of months." She continued. _

_I did not feel the need or want to go through the whole human "long" process, so I looked her in the eye and watch as they became dilated. "You will get me through this process as fast as you can and will have the kid to me by this weekend." She repeated what I had just said and I sat back and smiled, pleased with myself. The smile soon disappeared as a thought of how Elena would feel/react to me compelling this woman against her will. She would probably…._

_"So, do you want American or Italian?" She asked breaking me out of my thoughts._

_"American"_

_"Here you go look through this book and choose a kid." She said handing me a black and white book, I assume was pictures of kids._

_I took the book and looked at all the kids that were available for adoption. I always wanted kids of my own but with me becoming a vampire put a damper on my plans to go that route. As I look through the book five kids caught my eye. A set of twins name Cattleya & Bliss that was 6 years old. They grabbed my attention because they reminded me of my childhood. Another little girl who looked around the age of 10 years old named Brooklyn. She had my eyes and reminded me of my mother. The last two were boys Wyatt, 7 and Jayden, 3 they really didn't remind me of anyone I just always wanted a son._

_I showed her the five kids that I picked and told her I would pay for all the expenses. And when I left, I was actually looking forward to something since I left Mystic Falls one month ago._

I slowly walked to my car as I smiled as I remembered the process of that week after. I spent the week getting ready for them to arrive by designing their bedrooms, plane tickets, getting transports, and everything. The day they arrived, I was so nerves that I believed I might have scared them by how nervous/excited I was. They don't know about my 'diet' yet (well really nobody knows about that). It's going to be like that for as long as I can help it. They are a hand full, especially the little ones. I enrolled the four oldest kids (Brooklyn, Wyatt, Cattleya, and Bliss) in school. Jayden either spend time with me when I don't work or he had a babysitter until a month ago.

**_One month ago…._**

_I drove to the kids' school to pick them up. We have come a long way in the past few weeks that I have grown accustom to the way we do things. I soon reached the school; I walked up to the twins' classroom._

_"Good afternoon" Damon said to Ms. Pentel _

_"Good afternoon Mr. Salvatore" she replied with the biggest smile on her face. I smirk at the lust that is in her eyes and the sound of her arousal in my ears. _

_Seeing that she had no intention of calling the girls, I kindly reminded her with a smirk on my face. I simply stepped closer, bending down a little to whisper in her ear "The girls, Ms. Pentel"_

_"Oh yes I forgot, Cattleya & Bliss Salvatore your father is here." She finally said slowly calming down. _

_I had come to accept being referred to as a father because in a sense I was a father to all five of these kids. Well the only father figure they will have giving the circumstances. I come to appreciate every time that called me 'dad' rather than Damon. I have begun to look forward to those words of adoration because it felt as if at least someone cared/loved me. Not the person I wanted, but someone none the less._

_"Daddy" Bliss and Cattleya yelled at the same time while running toward me with the world's biggest smiles on their faces._

_"And how was my little angels' day?" I said, bending down to open my arms to give them both a hug while picking them up at the same time._

_"Good" Bliss replied as she put her arm around my neck. Cattleya just nodded agreeing to her sister's statement. They are the smartest six-year olds I know and I am proud to call them mine. Though they are smart they like to be sly about it so don't let them fool you. _

_"Daddy, I was thinking," Cattleya started waiting for me to say something._

_See what I tell ya. "And we now that is never a good thing." I whisper to myself as I started to walk toward the car with them still in my arms. They looked at me confusion written all over their face. "What do you want this time?" I finally gave in. they had these excited grins on their faces like they know that they was going to get whatever they asked for. The same silly grin Elena wore every time she got her way._

_"We was talking to our friend Savannah," oh this is a good start, "and she was telling us about her new dog, her parents just got her." I really don't like where this is going. "And B wanted to know if we could get a dog?" Cat finally finished her statement/question. _

_"Nope, out of the question" I said not looking them in the eyes because I know when I do I am a goner. The car finally made its appearance and I put them as they begin to beg._

_"Please daddy" Bliss said._

_"Not going to happen"_

_We made it to the car with me almost giving up with them double teaming me. Just as I thought they were going to give up. They enlist help._

_"Brooke, do you want a dog?"_

_"Yeah, we are getting a dog?" Brooklyn asked getting excited._

_The look on her face almost changed my mind but I had to stand my ground so I said "No we are not" as the words left my mouth I saw as her face fell._

_"Please, Daddy please" Bliss started to beg again._

_I made the mistake of looking back at them. The look on all their faces killed any refute that I had in my mouth. To think I was actually going to get through to refusing them of anything was beyond my knowledge. I actually have to fix that little hold all five of them have on me._

_"Okay, but I draw the line at cleaning up after it." 'I just might have to compel the dog to be house trained' I added in my mind._

_"Thank you, you will not regret this" Brooklyn replied as she attacked me with a big hug. I returned the hug and kissed her forehead as Bliss & Cattleya went ballistic jumping up and down clapping._

_I finally got the girls calm enough to put them in their car seat. I know I was already regretting this decision but it makes them happy so it will be worth it. I walked to the driver side thinking how true that statement was. On the way home, Brooklyn and Wyatt told me how their day went._

_Once we got home, I saw a car in the driveway that wasn't mines or Natalie's. I got Bliss & Cattleya out the car. The locked the car doors after everyone else was out and walked to the front door unlocking it to let everyone in. _

_"Nat, who car is outside?" I said while extending my senses to make sure there was no immediate danger. I didn't get a reply but I don't feel any danger. The feeling that someone else was here would not go away even though I only heard six heartbeats._

_"Jayden…" I yelled again "Natalie?"_

_"Daddy" Jayden came yelling running down the hall._

_"hey, how is my big man" I said, picking him up._

_"Good"_

_"Hey, where is Nat?"_

_"In the kitten" he said_

_I walked to the kitchen to my surprise to see three people instead pf one. "Hey little man go upstairs with your sisters and brothers for me, please." I told Jayden._

_When I was sure Jayden was upstairs with the rest of them, I turned to face our guest. "Who are you and what do you want?" I demanded._

_"Come on Damon, is that anyway to treat your little sisters." The mystery voice asked. _

_"Kiara" I said dumb folded, then I looked at the other woman, "Kendall" I continued. I thought they were dead. They had disappeared the year before I was turned. Everyone gave up on them coming back, except me. A couple of years after I turned I just hoped they was okay because the alternative was too much to bear. _

_"Hey big brother" Kendall said. While Kiara got up to give me a hug. I slowly wrapped my arms around her tight, scared that if I let go she would disappear. I didn't realize I was crying till Kendall gently wiped the tears running down my face as she too hugged me with everything she had._

_"But how? I asked after we have all settled down._

_"That night we disappeared, we got attacked. Someone by the name of Pearl helped us. She turned us but we couldn't return home because we knew father wasn't going to accept us. We kept track of you and Stefan throughout the years. We are contacting you now because we really missed you and Stefan is no longer with you." Kiara answered._

_"I'm just glad y'all are here now. I really missed both of you a lot" I said pulling them into a hug again. They never really liked Stefan do to the fact that he never like them because of what they represented. They are the product of an affair that our father had with another woman. After their mother died, our father let them stay with us forcing my mother to raise his illegitimate children. While welcome them with open arms my brother did the total opposite. He went out of his way to disclaim them at any point and time. He was so much like our father it was ridiculous. Then my mother died and all I had were Kiara and Kendall when our dad started to beat me. I never forgave myself when they disappeared and the next day my father enlisted me in the war. I was always thought my father had something to do with their disappearance because he knew I would not go to war, leaving them behind. I never had the proof so it was nothing I could do but rebelled against him and that's what I did. _

_We moved to the living room to talk about all their adventures the years and childhood memories I told them what I been up to over the years and why I moved here. I told them about the kids and how they doing. _

_"So why exactly did you adopt 5 kids?" Kendall asked with a smile._

_"Well…" how am I supposed to answer to answer this question without feeling and sounding like a heartbroken sap. 'Well a girl broke my heart so I filled the pain by adopting kids' I couldn't say that even if it was written all over my face. So I went with the half-truth "I had so much room in this giant house, I was like why not."_

_They nodded their heads. "So when are going to meet our nieces and nephews?" Kiara questioned still skeptical of my answer but not pushing it._

_"Now if you would like?" they both nodded their heads. I got up and went to the stairs. "Kids"_

_"Yes" they replied after a while._

_"Come down, I have some people I want you to meet" once I heard an okay I walked back to the living room. "They don't know about 'us', so let's keep that a secret for now." _

_As they nodded their heads, the kids walked into the room. Bliss and Cattleya came sat on my legs, Brooklyn and Wyatt on either side of me and Jayden between my legs. "Kids meet my sisters Kendall and Kiara. Kendall and Kiara meet Brooklyn, Wyatt, Bliss, Cattleya, and I'm sure you already met Jayden I assume?" they nodded._

_"It's nice to meet you all" Kiara said while looking at all of them as Kendall gave them a hug. _

_"Same to both you" Brooklyn said after hugging Kiara and coming to sit back beside me. _

_"Daddy can we go get the puppy now?" Bliss practically begged._

_"Yes we can sweetie" I said "How about we all go and shop for this famous puppy you been asking about." _

Having four dogs in the house is never a good thing. The twins picked out a cute little Shetland sheepdog puppy named her Bella; the boys picked out a white golden retriever and named him Bullet. But what had surprised me the most is the dog Brooklyn picked out. I told them so much about Elena that they look to her as a mother figure even though they never met her. So when she picked Elena's favorite dog, a Siberian husky and she named her Beauty. I picked out a black Siberian husky puppy named Duke. These last three months of letting go have been really helpful with the amount of distractions I have in my life. The weekly calls to Jeremy to check in really put my mind at ease. He keeps me up to date on what's going on. Mystic falls wasn't under any real danger and as long as they didn't need me I didn't have to go back.


	4. Chapter 4

well this chapter number 4 i hope you like it this my birthday present to y'all so review and tell me how you really feel

**Chapter 4: Three Months of Pain**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the original story.**

I dread days like this. When the sun is shining and the birds are singing because it creates the perfect morning but in reality it is anything but perfect. Since Damon left nobody ever speaks his name, asks about him or even care that he left. It has been three months and it has sucked. Three long months have passed and still no word from Damon. I am missing him like crazy but I refuse to admit it even if it is a little obvious. From the blood being forced down my throat now days and the crying his bed all day and night with little to no sleep to the erratic behavior I give everyone you cannot miss it. It was not always like this, I thought at first I was handling it pretty well. I mean after my first breakdown, the day after he left in his room, I tend to avoid the subject of him at all cause. I pretended as if he never existed and all my love for him was put away in a Pandora Box. I did my best to live after that with Stefan, only allowing myself to think of him for only a few minutes when I look at the rings.

My world came crashing down around me a month after he left. That's when reality set in and I was forced to relive everything through nightmares…

**2 Months Ago…**

_Damon: "Katherine?" _

_Elena: "Um, no... I'm Elena." _

_Damon: "Damon." _

_Elena: "Well, Damon, it's certainly creepy that you're here out in the middle of nowhere alone." _

_Damon: "You're one to talk; you're out here all by yourself," _

_Elena: "It's Mystic Falls! Nothing bad ever happens here." _

_Damon: "I see. Why are you out here all alone?"_

_Elena: "Fight with my boyfriend."_

_Damon: "What about? If I may ask." _

_Elena: "Life, our future. He's talking houses and children and marriage..."_

_Damon: "And you don't want it?"_

_Elena: "I don't know what I want." _

_Damon: "Well, that's not true. You want what everybody else wants," _

_Elena: "Oh, is that right? Well, tell me Damon, what do I want?" _

_Damon: "You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, adventure, and maybe even a little danger…" _

_Elena: "And what do you want?"_

_Damon: "I want you to get everything you're looking for. But right now I want you to forget that this happened. Can't have people knowing I'm in town just yet. Goodnight, Elena." _

**_Damon: I'm Damon, Stefan's brother._**

**_Elena: He didn't tell me he had a brother._**

**_Damon: Well, Stefan isn't one to brag. _**

_Elena: If you wanted me dead, I'd be dead._

_Damon: Yes._

_Elena: But I'm not._

_Damon: Yet. _

**_Elena: This is kidnapping._**

**_Damon: That's a little melodramatic, don't you think? _**

_Damon [to Elena]: I didn't compel you in Atlanta because we were having fun. I wanted it to be real. I'm trusting you. Don't make me regret it. _

**_Damon [to Elena]: You think Katherine is gonna send me off the deep end, don't you? I don't need her for that. _**

_Damon [to Elena]: Whatever happens, it's on you._

**_Damon [to Elena]: You and Katherine have a lot more in Katherine than just your looks. _**

_Damon: Cute PJs_

_Elena: I'm tired Damon _

_Damon: brought you this_

_Elena: I thought this was gone…thank you…please give it back_

_Damon: I just have to say something_

_Elena: Why do you have to say it with my necklace?_

_Damon: Because what I'm about to say is probably the most selfish thing I ever said in my life_

_Elena: Damon don't go there..._

_Damon: I just have to say it once you just need to hear it…I love you Elena and it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you and why you can't know this…I don't deserve you but my brother does…God I wish you didn't have to forget this…but you do_

**_Damon: You need to stop doing that._**

**_Elena: Doing what?_**

**_Damon: Assuming that I'll play the good guy because it's you who's asking. _**

_Elena: You touch her and I swear I'll never speak to you again._

_Damon: What makes you think that has any power over me? Cause I took an arrow in the back for you? You are severely overestimating yourself. _

**_Damon: And you're going to die, Elena._**

**_Elena: And then I'll come back to life._**

**_Damon: That is not a risk I am willing to take._**

**_Elena: But I am. It's my life, Damon. My choice._**

**_Damon: I can't lose you._**

**_Elena: You won't._**

_Damon [to Elena]: I will always choose you_

**_Elena: you think I like going behind your back…I don't…but if I hadn't asked Stefan to help then you would have ruin everything_**

**_Damon: sorry for trying to keep you alive…clearly Stefan doesn't give a crap anymore_**

**_Elena: now, you're mad at me because I included Stefan_**

**_Damon: No, I'm mad at you because I love you._**

**_Elena: Well maybe that's the problem…no that's not what I meant_**

**_Damon: no I got it Elena…I care too much I'm a liability…how ironic is that_**

_Elena: deep down I don't want to be like…_

_Damon: you don't to be like me_

**_Damon [to Elena]: _****_Goodbye Elena_**

_I woke up with sweat dripping from my face as the sound of Damon saying 'Goodbye Elena' was on replayed in my head. 'Why now?' was the only question I could ask myself. I looked around the room hoping for some kind of explanation, but there was none. This was the first time I dreamed about Damon in over a month. I got out of bed and walked over to my jewelry box and pulled out the chain with the most beautiful rings I ever saw._

_"Where the hell are you Damon?" I whispered a loud to thin air. I walk back over to my bed slipping the chain over my head in the process. Then I lay down and cried myself to sleep._

That night was the start of a downhill spiral for me I would rarely eat or drink, I tried to focus on my school work only and when I wasn't at school I was in my room staring into space. I barely slept because the dreams were too much to bear. It was my fault he left, he always choose me no matter what and when it was my turn to choose him I couldn't bear to make the choice. He could be dead or hurt (couldn't bring myself to think he was actually happy) and I wouldn't know because I'm here to busy being with his brother. He loved me but I strung him along and told him his love was a problem. What's wrong with me, I'm no better than Katherine. Now I know how she feels to have the love of her life be gone for good. Stefan and I were still together but started to drift apart. The guilt of loving his brother was so much that I didn't want cause Stefan anymore pain. Well at-least I thought he was in pain boy was I wrong.

_One month ago…_

_I walked up to the door that leads to so many memories. The boarding house was like a safe haven for me since I met the Salvatore brothers but this was the first time I had been here in little over two months. Since Damon no longer resided here, I could not bear to step foot in this house it just didn't feel the same. No one ever questioned why I never went to the boarding house and I was relieved by that. I took a deep breath and gently knocked on the door and waited for the inedible disaster soon to take place._

_I stood there for a good 5 minutes without receiving a response, before I let myself into the house. "Stefan" I called out but was met with silence. I extended my senses and was greeted with the sounds of grunts and moans. Immediately thinking something was wrong, I accessed the sounds from Stefan's room. I walked to his door stilling myself for any possible danger as I slowly opened the door. I looked it the room to find Stefan in bed moaning but it wasn't moans of pain it was quite the opposite and he wasn't alone. The person in bed with my boyfriend was no friend of mine. It was none other than the world greatest backstabbing best friend, Bonnie Bennett. As they scream out in pleasure, tears begin to roll down my face. When I hear the words of affection, I could no longer stand there. I fled to the only place that could make me feel safe, Damon's room, unnoticed by the two who cuddled in afterglow._

_I locked the door and cried out all the pain I felt from my ex-best friend and my ex-boyfriend, for losing Damon because of my own stupidity, for basically everything that I put Damon through because I thought I loved Stefan. The guilt I felt for loving my boyfriend's brother quickly disappeared, leaving in its place the growing feeling of anger. I could hear them scrambling around his room as they begun to walk toward Damon's room. I sent a quick text to Caroline because I knew that I couldn't be along with them hoping she got here quick._

**_"BOARDING HOUSE NOW"- Elena_**

_The message sent as soon as Damon's door opened to reveal the faces of two guest of honor, Stefan Salvatore and Bonnie Bennett. Bonnie looked as if she seen a ghost and Stefan displayed look of hurt, confusion, anger, and regret. Regret for what I do not know._

_"Elena…" Bonnie whispered plea_

_"Elena, what are you doing in my brother's room?" Stefan asked. Completely ignoring the tear stains on my face or the fact him and my best friend stood there with little to nothing on, let alone what they was doing a mere 3 minutes ago._

_"Wow" I whispered "Well, if you must know I came to my boyfriend's house to see him, but to my surprise I found him in bed and he wasn't alone. Oh no, he wasn't because he was fucking the hell out of this bitch I called my best friend." I answer seeing both of them wince at my choice of words and my cold detached voice. Caroline walked into the room and before Stefan could utter the words that were sure to come I continued. "I mean here I was feeling guilty for not paying enough attention to my boyfriend for the last 2 months and came here to talk about what was going on between us. God forbid that I actually thought he loved me enough to break up with me if he wasn't happy but this is all the explanation I need to say otherwise. So Bonnie, was the sex good because from the sound of it, it sounded pretty damn good to me." I smirk while my words were dripped in sarcasm as each one left my lips. A look of pure shock settled on Caroline's face. "Well I hope to you it was worth it because it seem as if it meant more to you then our 13 year friendship." I say looking at her with disgust while tears roll down her face._

_"Elena please…we can" she started but was cut off by the deadly glare Caroline and I shot her way._

_"Stefan" I say finally bringing my attention to him as I started to circle him. "Stefan, Stefan, Stefan, the good brother, my knight in shining armor, my 'epic love', the guy that can apparently do no harm." I continue in mock humor. "All these years you looked down on Katherine for using and cheating on you, when apparently you're no better. I mean what exactly was your words again 'she is a conniving Bitch who likes to play games' but I mean if that is true I can say the same about you right? So you do call each other and asked for tips?" A flare of anger shot through Stefan at this. "Oh, does that piss you off, Steffi? Well let's see how you react to this…"_

_"Elena…" Caroline tried to cut me off._

_"No Car, this is a day of honesty. They revealed, well more like their secret is out now so it is only fit that I reveal a few secrets of my own right? Fair trade and all." I reply to Caroline. Turing back to the couple I let everything out, "I came here to break up with you, at first I felt guilty about it, but my sympathy for dragging you along knowing I am in love with your brother is gone. To think I ever felt bad for hurting you is ridiculous to me now. I mean, I only chose you because I thought you was the safe choice and I felt I owned you another chance even if we fought the first time around I thought this would be different. But damn you fucked this one up too." I let out a dry chuckle. "I will own up to not giving a 100% to our relationship but for you to cheat on me because of that is obscured especially with my best friend of all people. Then you had the nerve to smirk and get angry at me for being your brother's room. To tell you the truth that smirk on you face did not look good so I recommend you don't do it again. But whatever I just have one last question. How long have this been going on? A month? 2? 3? 4? 5? 6?" I stopped when I saw Bonnie look down. "Wow. 6 months so basically just as long as we been together, which was way before I discovered I had feeling for Damon. Which mean you can't use that as your excuse, Wow. I mean you could have just told me, I been told I am a very compassionate and understanding person. But Whatever." At that moment I snapped, and at the same time snapping Stefan's neck in the process. A look of pure shock crossed Caroline's and Bonnie's faces as it all happened. I shrugged my shoulders brushing pass Bonnie in the process. _

_"Caroline, be a doll and make sure the lovely couple get out the house for me. Thank you!" I yelled over my shoulder as I descended the stairs. I walked into the parlor straight for Damon's liquor. I pour me a generous amount and sat down like nothing happened._

That day was one of the best days I had since Damon left. At the time all I could think about was I wish he was there to see me because I had a feeling he would be proud of me.

I was lying in bed after a night of no sleep for the millionth time since_ he_ left. I unwillingly dragged myself out of bed before the infamous Caroline and Jeremy made their appearance in Damon's room to check on me. This has been a recurrence every day since I broke up with Stefan. I feel closer to Damon in his room as if he knew I was in here and would show up one day. Loving Damon and him not knowing is tearing me up inside. God only knows what girl is lying in his arms this morning and how he probably forgot about me already.

I could feel the tears start run down my cheeks at the thought of another woman kissing him or him not knowing I love him back. I look at his mother's rings around my neck, as I do every morning, and pray for his return to me or some sign of where to find him. I look at the nightstand and see the usual glass blood that is waiting for me. I force myself to drink the red liquid that I no longer have a taste for.

"Elena" Caroline called. "Are you up yet?" she trailed off as she walked into the room stunned by the fact that I was dressed and actually feed. "I see somebody eager to start the day."

I just nodded my head while searching for my phone on the floor. I cursed myself for dropping it at the sound of Caroline's voice. As I reached for the battery under the dresser, I felt something else that was hard and rectangular. I pulled it out, to see that it was some kind of book of the sorts. I opened it and read the front page.

**_To Damon,_**

**_I hope you feel it with all your dreams. I won't be around much longer for you to talk to, so I hope you find peace in writing in your journal as if you were talking to me. Fill this journal with anything you want. I love you son, always remember that I love you with all my heart and not even death will change that._**

**_Love, Mom_**

"Elena lets go" Caroline said impatiently as she waited by the door.

"I'm coming" I said aloud, shutting the journal and clutching on to it as if it was a life line. I knew the journal will hold so many memories for Damon and I wanted to know what they were. It was the only leak I had to him and I was going to keep it on me at all times. Today we are continuing to search for Damon like we did for the pass month. We have not had much luck seeing as I kicked Stefan out and Bonnie is still trying to beg for forgiveness. I have already forgiven her, but she just doesn't know it yet so I want to keep it that way. The longer I keep it that way the longer she won't complain about how she don't want to find Damon and no offence I just didn't have time for her 'but he is bad for you Elena and he tried to kill me' speech. Even though we haven't had much luck, I'm not giving up. Hopefully this journal can clue us in on where he might be because we are slowly running out of ideas.

Tell me what you think by leaving a review or just click the fav/follow thanks for reading. Off to enjoy whats left of my birthday. Bye


	5. Autor's Note

So i hit a form of writer's block and need some help. what do y'all think should happen next. review with your answer. i should have a chapter up by the end of next week


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